Tuesday, March 24, 2009
True Confessions
Come on, now... have you ever deceived anyone about exactly how many guitars you actually own? It's just hard to explain sometimes, isn't it? Lots of folks do because they'll never hear the end of it from someone who just can't understand. Tell us about it. What you did, why you did it, and how it turned out.
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I try never to lie about the number of guitars I own, though I will often be vague about the exact number when talking with someone who may not "get it" (Hi Mom!).
ReplyDeleteJust the other day I was visiting a friend and his son asked me how many guitars I own. I replied, "A few." When pressed I admitted to more than 10 but that was as specific as I would get. Oddly, were his father not in the room I probably would have told him the exact number as the boy "gets it" but his dad doesn't.
I try to be vague to avoid the questions I get from those who don't play or collect: "Aren't they all the same?" "Why do you need so many?" "You paid how much for all those?" It's just easier that way. Cowardly, perhaps but definitely easier.
I think I have a type of GAS denial. I honestly couldn't tell you how many guitars I have, and it's not like it's a number I couldn't physically count to or remember if I wanted to (we're talking between ten and twenty).
ReplyDeleteI realise that I come across as looking none too sharp when people see the guitars around the house and ask, "How many do you have?" and my answer is pathetically vague.
Recently a guitar-playing friend visited from France and was keen to see my guitars.
I still can't quite believe that I didn't show him the Broadcaster that I have (since it's signed by Leo Fender himself). Honestly, I just forgot about it.
I suppose if you don't define your collection in terms of absolute numbers no one can throw that number back at you in disputes about the size of the collection!
It's true. I NEVER accurately quote the number of guitars I own when speaking to family members. I just reckon it is information best kept under wraps. I need no justification for this passion... yet it is easier to avoid direct scrutiny from those who may not understand the need for multiple instruments.
ReplyDeleteHaha... one thing my (now ex) wife used to bitch at me about was that when I wokred on the road, I would not tell her if I bought a new guitar. Back in those days I had a fascination with Mexican Fenders and usually spent about $350-$450 on a guitar. It was a huge irritant to her, she even accused me of "lying to her" about my guitars by just not telling her I had bought one. Please try to remember that I probably bought 3 or four guitars in those days, not one of them more than $450.
ReplyDeleteI worked as a contract telecommunications engineer, and would only come home about once every 3 months. My (now thankfully ex) wife and I owned two houses that were side by side on the edge of a mountain cliff in a very beautiful section of the Smoky Mountains of North Carolina.
One time I cam off the road and returned home... while I was gone, my wife had took it up herself to decide we needed a new roof on both of our houses. She had taken money out of savings without telling me, and charged up some credit cards without asking or telling me, and the project had a cost of about $10,000.....
It was easier to keep buying $300-$400 guitars after that....
Then, in about 6-9 months I cam home off the road again and I got to see our two houses adorned with brand new siding. I had no knowledge that she was going to put siding on our houses. She didn't even consult me pertaining to color, make or model. The cost was about another $10,000 out of our savings...
I then spent $600 on a used guitar and forgot to tell her.
Before I knew it, I had accumulated seven guitars that my wife didn't know anything about.
It felt good.
Then one day I was at the office when my wife called and asked "honey, guess what I just did?" I had no idea... She asked me... "are you sitting down?" I said no... She insisted I sit down. So I sat down.
Then she went on to explain... "I just bought THREE HOUSES....."
Oh great... for what we guitars guys experience as GAS toward the acquisition of new guitars... this woman had a terminal case of RAS... or "Remodeling Acquisition Syndrome"... She loved to remodle stuff. Our home that we lived in was in constant disarray. One Christmas all my wife wanted for Christmas was a Milwaukee Sawzall. After that I cam home and there were entire sections of drywall missing, and new room in my house. There were new holes where double french doors were suppose to go in, and an entire new plan for gas-fired fireplaces in about 5 new locations. Never once in the five extremely long and flabbergasting years of marriage was our house ever without some kind of project going on in every corner. She would get about 40% into one thing, then have some new idea, and tear into a new project, tearing down walls, ripping up carpet, leaving the house in a constant form of non-finished crapentry work.
I later realised I was married to a lunatic.
I know this is supposed to be about not telling somebody about your guitars, but there are people on this planet they have even more expensive hobbies that they do not tell their spouses about. My (thank you Jesus we are divorced and now she is me EX) wife had terminal RAS, and it left me simply flabbergasted every time she pitched a huge fit about my $400 guitar acquisitions. I wasn't even into Historic les Pauls... or Paul Reed Smiths... or hand-built masterpeices... I found at that time Mexican Fenders were very thrilling and challenging to make into player pieces.
In our 5 years of marriage, I calculated that I spent about $10,000 on gear altogether. That included an entire live PA system, a ton of recording gear, and about 7 or 8 guitars.
Between us, we did very well financially, she was a registered nurse, and I was an engineer... In the 5 years we were married, we, together, made about $600,000 for bring-home income.
I added up about another $10,000 of living expenses while I traveled on the road.
That woman spent all the rest.
Or she stashed it in a bank account and never told me.
My happiest day ever was filling up my U-Haul and getting the hell away from that complete idiot.
And 6 years later, I am still happily single, living with my dog, and my 17 guitars (minus a Tele I sold last weekend).
And my (yes, God, you did me a huge favor by helping me get a divorce from this complete psychopath and now EX) wife has no idea of how many guitars I have today. In fact since the day the divorce was final on October 17th, 2003... I have had ultimately ZERO communication with her, her psychopathic induced children, or any member of her psychpathically frustrated dysfunctional and domestically challenged family.
Good riddance.
And hello freedom.
I will most likely never marry again... I have 17 wives, actually... (well 16 now... haha)... and I am happier than a Sultan sittin' on an oil field with my 16 wives.
And everytime I get a new guitar, I take it in my arms for a bit, close my eyes and thank God for it, and I dedicate every one of my guitars to Jesus Christ. Because its all HIS stuff, anyways. I could tell you a couple thousand stories about how my faith has worked to supply my needs, and I have an un-moveable love for my Savior.
Through all this stuff I've been through in life, it always comes back to just me and him, and that's the best part. And pretty soon ya'll are going to see my name in the Marquee of some venue some where... as I take my values and faith and convictions (and 16 guitars) to public service in live music.
:-)
Take care...
:-)
I've been trading up for about three years. Made a couple of mistakes and sold 'em on Ebay to finance new acquisitions. Currently have three Fenders and a Les Paul in the house, however one strat and the current LP are going up for auction to finance a 1990 LP Colours edition. It's a sentimental move because these guitars will be my daughter's some day and she was born in 1990. My first strat was a 2004 50th Anniversary edition, which was also the year of my 50th birthday. You might say I'm into history and numerology a little bit, but it makes it all the more special. And it's a lot cheaper than hot rods and Harleys.
ReplyDelete